Comfort
by ggirl722
Summary: Takes place after Olivia goes undercover at Sealview. Spoilers will appear. Olivia deals with the aftermath and loses control.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Comfort  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything

SPOILERS

* * *

Summary: Takes place after Olivia goes undercover at Sealview. Spoilers will appear.

Olivia turned over in her bed and stared blankly at the red lights of her alarm clock. The digital screen read that the time was five thirty six am and Olivia hadn't spelt a wink.

Trying once more to get comfortable, Olivia closed her eyes in attempts to get some sleep. Within seconds her eyes were opened once more.

Olivia sat up and looked out the window by her bed. It was still dark outside but it didn't matter because she couldn't sleep. In fact she hadn't been able to sleep much at all in the past few days.

She couldn't figure out why she was having such a hard time. He hadn't raped her, she was one of the lucky ones, but every time she closed her eyes she saw his face, she felt his breath on her neck, she could smell him, she could taste him and she could feel him. And it scared her.

Olivia sighed and climbed out of bed. She decided she would give up on trying to sleep and get ready for her day.

* * *

"Hey Liv!" Elliot dropped his car keys in the top drawer or his desk. "Didn't you go home last night?" he commented

Olivia lifted her head and faked a smile "Good morning to you to El."

She sipped her coffee "I did." She replied

"And you didn't find it necessary to get any sleep?"

Liv nodded "I tried." She sighed "But I just…" she trailed off not wanting to talk about the reason she was having trouble closing her eyes. "I…" she stammered suddenly feeling nauseous "I don't feel so well." She got up and headed for the restrooms.  
Elliot's eyes followed his partner until she was out of sight and then he headed for his captain's office. He knocked lightly and walked in.

"Elliot." Don looked up from a stack of papers on his desk.

"Something's up with Olivia." Elliot sat down. "I need to know what happened."

"What happened when?"

"Sealview, I know something happened, my partner hasn't been herself since she came out of the hell hole."

"Have you…" Cragen began "Asking her?"

"I'm not asking her, I'm asking you." Elliot shouted "She's my partner; I have a right to know what went down!"

"You might want to change the tone of your voice." Cragen snapped back at Elliot's outburst. "You're crossing the line."

Elliot inhaled "She's not herself, and I am worried about her. You put her in that place, you let her go in there, and the Olivia I know didn't come out!"

"Hold on a second!" Cragen stood up from his desk "I was against it from the moment she suggested it. So maybe you should talk to her." He added "I don't know everything that goes on in my detectives lives. I like it that way, and I am sure everyone else out there likes it that way also. If something had happened it would have been in her report, it would have been in Fin's report. "

"Well did you ask Fin?" Elliot stood from the seat he was in and hollered out the door for Fin.

"Captain?" Fin entered the office, but before Cragen could speak Elliot was on him.

"What the hell happened in Sealview?"

Fin looked over at Cragen and then back at Elliot "What are you talking about?"

"To Liv, something happened while you two were in there; you can't tell me you haven't noticed. I just want to know why suddenly my partner can't contain her emotions and why she has been able to sleep in almost two weeks, she can't focus. And if she can't focus on her job she's putting the people around her at risk!"  
Cragen sighed "Fin? You want to shed some light on the subject?"

Fin shook his head; he wasn't going to tell anyone what happened. If Olivia wanted anyone to know she would be the one to do so.  
"I don't know what to tell you Cap." Fin responded

"So you're telling me that you or Olivia didn't omit anything from the case notes you filed?"

"That's what I'm telling you." Fin looked over at Elliot "Well should we get Olivia in here?"

"Just forget it." Elliot sighed; he left Cragen's office no closer to answer then when he had entered.

By the time he had made it back to his desk Olivia was back in her seat, looking worse then before.

"Are you okay?" Elliot squatted next to her chair

Olivia nodded "yeah" she lied, her eyes welling with tears "I'll be fine. I just need to eat something."

"Liv," Elliot lowered his voice "Talk to me."

Olivia sighed "No. I'm fine, it's nothing and if it was, now is not the time El," she replied not wanting to look him in the eye.

"Look at me." He pleaded "This isn't you, you haven't been yourself since..." he trailed off

"Listen up!" Cragen entered the squad room, "We've got a situation at the Jensen St Homeless shelter. Our twenty year old victim claims she stayed at the shelter last night and was assaulted by a member of the staff. She has barricaded herself in the ladies restroom and is refusing to come out."

Elliot who was now standing looked down at Olivia "You sure you're up for this?"  
Olivia nodded and shrugged his off "El, I said I was fine"

Elliot didn't respond as Olivia threw on her jacket and headed for the exit "You coming?" she turned to Elliot.

Elliot looked over at Cragen as he grabbed his jacket. "Yeah" he replied to Olivia and followed behind her.

TBC

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Title: Comfort

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Rating: M

SPOILERS

Summary: Takes place after Olivia goes undercover at Sealview. Spoilers will appear.

* * *

Chapter 2

"Natalie?." Olivia knocked on the bathroom door, hoping the distraught women would respond.

"Go away!" Natalie replied "I'm not coming out until the cops get here!"

"Natalie, its okay I'm Detective Olivia Benson with the New York police department, Is it okay if I come in?"

Elliot watched as Olivia tried to gain access to the barricaded restrooms.

Olivia didn't hear Natalie respond with words but she heard the door open and she headed inside closing it again behind her.

"Natalie Rentwood?" Olivia looked down at the women who took her place back on the cold bathroom floor.

6

6

"Detective?" A petite blonde walked toward Elliot and stuck out her hand "Jennifer Dons. I run this shelter. I don't know how this could have happened but we are more then willing to co-operate to find Ryan Thacerd."

"Ryan Thacerd, he's employeed here?"

"He's been with us for only a few months, he was hired on after completing almost a year of volunteer work. The background check that was processed on him came back clean."

"What is that Mr. Thacerd does here?"

"He works in the kitchen, he's one of our cooks. Sometimes he would refer people to us, he was always trying to help people, he's a good man, and he's never been a problem. That's why I can't understand this."

"Since he works here I would assume you have an address." Elliot asked

The women nodded "Yes, I have it here for you." she handed Elliot the slip of paper.

6

6

Can I sit?" Olivia waited for a response, Natalie shrugged and Olivia slowly sat next to her

"He said he wanted to help me." Natalie began to speak without needing invitation "He said that he saw me sleeping on the street and he wanted to help me."

"Who did?" Olivia replied

"He said he worked here, he was going to help me." she repeated "He said his name was Ryan."

"Ryan? He didn't give you a last name?" Olivia inquired

"I ca...can't..." Natalie stammered as emotion overcame her "I just want to go home." she sobbed

"Where's home?" Olivia asked

"My mom threw me out. She said she didn't like the company I kept, I had nothing and she just threw me out.I've been living on the street for the last month, so when Ryan offered to help me I accepted. He brought me here and signed me in, he told me I could get cleaned up, take a shower, pick out some clothes from the supply room. All I had on was the towel he gave me.." she paused as her heart began to beat faster as she recalled the events.

"Just take your time." Olivia spoke softly hoping it would calm her, but she knew it must be hard. As Natalie told her story. Olivia recounted her own.

"He came in behind me, I heard him close the door but I didn't think anything of it. And the next thing I know he's standing behind me with his hands on my shoulders, telling me he just wants me to relax. I told him that I wasn't feeling well and he said not to worry, that I was in good hands and that he would take care of me. He started touching me, he pulled at my towel and it fell." Natalie sighed looking down at her hands "I was so cold. His hands were so cold."

Olivia nodded but she didn't respond...

She was in the basement, he had her handcuffed and they were alone. She knew what was coming and she was powerless to stop it. How did she get here? It wasn't supposed to be like this, she was a cop, this wasn't supposed to happen. As she sat on the bathroom floor shivers ran down her spine. It scared her that she could still feel his body pressed against her, she could still feel his breath on her neck, she could smell him and it made her want to be sick. Olivia's heart began to race as her fear consumed her, she could feel her body heat up and she had a feeling of constriction in her chest.

"Liv?"

Natalie stopped her story when a knock echoed through the room

"Olivia?"

"Excuse me a minute." Olivia got up off the floor hoping she wouldn't lose her balance and opened the door.

"What's up Elliot?" she inquired sticking her head outside the door.

"I've got an address for our perp. How's she doing?" he asked noticing Olivia looked pale.

"As good as someone could be in this situation, she's talking, we can take her back to the station and she can finish giving her statement and we can check this out." she looked at the paper he held in his hand.

"Natalie" Olivia turned to the women on the floor " My partner and I." she motioned to Elliot. "Are going to take you down to the station so we can talk more."

Natalie nodded and took the extended hand Olivia offered.

6

6

"Ryan Thacard!" Elliot banged on the apartment doorm, as Olivia drew her gun

"Excuse me?" At the sound of the voice the two detectives turned to the man down the hall " You looking for Rye?"

Olivia nodded " Yeah, you know where we can find him?"

"Yeah." the man pointed "He's right there!"

Elliot and Olivia turned in time to see the end of a man as he disappeared into the stairwell

Elliot looked at Olivia as she headed after the man and then made his way down to the front of the building in hopes to block him in.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Comfort

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Rating: M

SPOILERS

Summary: Takes place after Olivia goes undercover at Sealview. Spoilers will appear.

Chapter 3

6

Olivia rounded a corner making sure to look before she stepped out, the stairway was darker then she thought normal and she knew she couldn't be too careful.

"Ryan?" she called into the dim lit passage "Make this easy on yourself."

Ryan didn't respond.

Olivia took her first step down the flight of stairs; she glanced over the railing and looked down to see if she could spot Ryan on the move. But she saw no movement.

She looked up to make sure he wasn't preparing to surprise her from behind. When she didn't see him, she continued down the stairs.

As Olivia made it to the landing there was a door leading to the fourth floor to her right and another flgiht of stairs tp the left. Instantly the door swung open and Ryan darted out.

Olivia swung around with her gun still drawn in attempts to stop him but he had caught her off guard.

Ryan ploughed his body into Olivia and slammed her into the wall behind her. The gun she was holding flew from her hands and clattered down the stairs below.

Ryan wrapped his arms around her body and shoved her toward the next flight of stairs.

Olivia kicked in an attempt to break the hold he had on her but it seemed to have no effect on him. Before she could open her mouth to call for help, Ryan had lurched forward and the two fell down the stairs.

6

6

Elliot raced through the lobby and flew out the front doors. With a gun in hand he looked up and down the street for any sign of a man trying to escape. When he saw no one he raced around to the side of the building hoping to get lucky as Ryan ran out.

When he reached the fire exit he heard a commotion from the inside.

Elliot reached for the handle and pulled "Liv?" he yelled when he was faced with the realization that the door only opened from the inside. "Olivia?" he yelled again, worried that she hadn't come out yet. "Damn it!" he yelled and made his way back inside calling for back-up as he went.

6

6

"Ryan." Olivia rolled over on her back trying to put a safe distance between Ryan and herself

"Shut up!" Ryan yelled as he reached for her gun. Olivia darted for the gun in sync with him and was able to knock from his reach.

"You aren't taking me back!" Ryan yelled "I'll do what ever I have to! You won't take me back to that place, I won't go back there!" he stood up and pushed Olivia over as she struggled to make it on all fours.

"Think about what you're doing!" Olivia tried once more to get up as Ryan grabbed the gun

"I said shut up!" he yelled again striking her face with the gun. Olivia stumbled backward in defeat. Almost instantly her heart began to pound and the world around her began to spin, within seconds she could feel a tightening in her chest.

She looked up the man pointing the gun at her. "Harris?" Olivia took a deep breath and closed her eyes. It wasn't Harris and she wasn't in the basement. "No." she whispered when she opened her and still saw Harris standing over her. She could hear the words he was saying to her, like it was happening again. She could feel his body pressing against her.

Olivia's breathing became shallow and she couldn't see straight. She put her hands out as she tried to get up.

"Stay down!" Ryan yelled unaware of what was happening to her. "I'll shoot!"

"Elliot!" Olivia called out "I need…." She tried to breathe but fell to the floor on her back.

"No!" she yelled and kicked her feet. She could feel him on her she could feel him pulling at her pants. Olivia tried to sit up once more, but fell back in defeat. "Elliot." She whispered, but he didn't come. Why wasn't Elliot coming?

"Olivia?" Elliot kicked through the door and entered the stairwell. He looked up and then down and that's when he saw her lying on the floor. "Olivia!" he yelled taking the steps two at a time to get to her.

Elliot dropped to his knees and bent over her.

"Olivia." He lifted her head as blood trickled down her cheek. "Liv, open your eyes."

Olivia's body jerked, but her eyes didn't open.

"Come on Olivia! Don't do this to me. Olivia!"

She could hear him, she was still in the basement but she swore that she could hear Elliot calling for her. "Olivia!"

Olivia's eyes flew open as she tried to calm her breathing. "E…" she heaved "El…" she tried to speak as tears began to fill her eyes.

"You're okay." Elliot pulled her closer. "You're going to be okay."

"Elliot?" Fin called as he enter the stairwell

"Down here!"

"We caught him El, coming out the front." He was referring to Ryan.

"I need a bus!" Elliot called back to him. "Olivia!" he yelled again when he noticed her eyes had slipped closed again.

6

6

"Elliot!" Cragen approached Elliot in the hallway of St. Mary's hospital. "What the hell happened?"

"I don't know, the perp tried to escape, I went one way and Olivia went the other. When I got to the fire exit, it was locked and I could hear..."

"Detective Stabler?" Elliot turned around as the doctor approached "Is she okay?" Elliot immediately asked.

The doctor nodded "Olivia's going to be fine, she took a nasty spill down the stairs, she has a mild concussion and she bruised a few ribs. It's going to hurt for a while, so she'll have to take it easy."

"What about the breathing?" Elliot questioned "When I found her she was having trouble breathing."

"Olivia suffered from a panic attack; my best bet is that it was brought on because of the attack. A high stress situation, combined with the fact that Olivia hasn't been sleeping, her body's not refreshing itself, and that puts strain on person."

Elliot nodded "Thank you." and turned back to Cragen as the doctor left.

"You make sure she goes home, tell her to feel better and that I don't want to see her until Monday. Munch and Fin will close up the case."

Elliot nodded "Yeah. I'll let her know."

Elliot waited until Cragen disappeared before he entered the examination room.

Olivia was already dressed, putting on her shoes when he appeared.

"Hey," he smiled.

"Hi," she replied softly

"You ready to go?"

Olivia nodded "Yeah."

Elliot watched as his partner walked out ahead of him. "Olivia?"

Olivia stopped and turned back to him, tears began to form in her eyes.

"Liv?" he questioned "Are you okay?"

Olivia shrugged "I don't think so Elliot." she looked down at her feet as if she was ashamed.

"No, I'm not." she added "I'm not okay."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Comfort

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Rating: M

SPOILERS

Summary: Takes place after Olivia goes undercover at Sealview. Spoilers will appear.

Chapter 4

6

6

The ride from the hospital back to Olivia's apartment was filled an awkward silence that seemed unbearable for both Elliot and Olivia. Elliot would steal a glance at his partner as much as he could during the drive in hopes to find the right moment to speak. But he didn't feel the time was right.

It wasn't until Elliot pulled the car over to park that Olivia finally spoke.

"Thanks for the ride." She thanked him without looking up.

"It's no problem." Elliot replied turning off the ignition.

"You know." She began as she pulled off her sea-tbelt and put on her brave face "You don't have to stay with me. The doctor doesn't have to know. I'm certain you have better things to do. I'll be fine. I'm a big girl El."

Elliot smiled and nodded "I know you are. But you and I know both know the Captain would have my ass." He paused; taking note that her brave face had quickly disappeared. "I'm not going anywhere Liv. You and I both know you shouldn't be alone right now."

Olivia didn't protest, in fact she didn't respond. She slowly closed the car door and headed toward her building. Elliot took her silence as acceptance and heading in closely behind her.

6

Once inside the apartment Olivia headed directly toward her bathroom and quietly closed the door behind her. She stood in front of the mirror and looked at her reflection. "Stupid." She whispered to herself for being so vulnerable in front of her partner.

"Liv;" Elliot gently knocked not wanting to startle her.

Olivia turned on the water and washed her face ignoring the sting from the cut on her cheek. "I'll be right out."

"Are you hungry?" he asked

Olivia looked at her reflection once more and turned off the light. "A little." She responded as she opened the door "Starving." She added a small smile, she hadn't eaten much in days and her body was feeling the affects of starvation.

"I was going to order out." He walked toward her counter to the open phone book "Any preferences?"

Olivia shook her head as she turned and headed toward her couch; she sat down and stared at the palms of her hands as she tried to drown out the sounds around her.

"Olivia?" Elliot sat down next to her, but she didn't respond "Liv?"

Olivia wasn't responding as she stared forward in what seemed to be a deep trance.

Elliot wasn't sure what he should do; in the state she was currently in anything could send her into a panic and he didn't want to be the reason for the pain or fear the panic would bring.

"El?" she turned to him; tears threatening to fall "Why is this happening to me? I thought I was stronger then this."

Elliot didn't know. He honestly couldn't answer. "Liv…I" he began

"I feel guilty for thinking this way." She cut his off

"What way?"

"For thinking that I should have listened to Cragen; He told me he didn't want me to go, and I ignored his wishes. I was stupid and stubborn, like I had something to prove, like I had to…."

"Like you had to help Ashley and her mother?"

"No! Like I had to be the hero!" she threw back. "And look at me, I'm not a hero, I can't eat or sleep, I can't function and if I can't function I can't do my job and if I can't do my job I have nothing…. My god" she snapped "I'm even afraid of my own damn shadow."

"You can't beat yourself up." He responded still unaware of what she was talking about

"No," she replied "I lose sight of my common sense and let correction officers' do it for me."

Elliot was shocked. "Olivia what are you talking about? What happened in there?"

"I was…." She began, but was interrupted by the knock at the door

"Damn it." Elliot whispered as he headed toward the front door.

Elliot took the food and paid the delivery man. "Thanks." He nodded and closed the door.

"Okay." Elliot turned with the food in hand. He looked at the couch where Olivia had been sitting just seconds ago. "Liv?" he set down the food and headed toward her now closed bedroom door. "Olivia?" he knocked and grasped the door knob, the door wasn't locked but he had no plans on barging in; he stayed where he was and waited for a response.

"I'm sorry El." She spoke softly from behind the closed door "I'm not feeling well. I'm going to lie down for a little."

"Okay." Elliot didn't push "I'll be out here."

6

6

"Elliot?" Olivia sat up in her bed to find her bedroom dark; the only light that she could see was coming from the alarm clock.

Olivia slowly slid off of her bed and stretched as her feet hit the floor. She looked at her alarm clock which now read nine forty-five. "Elliot?" she called again.

She stood up, slipped a near by sweater over her tank top and opened her door, as she peered out into the rest of her apartment she discovered the same darkness. "Elliot?" she called his name again, only to be met with the same deafening silence.

Coming to the conclusion that he had left, Olivia headed toward the kitchen. She opened her fridge and jumped back as her bottled water came crashing to the floor at her feet.

"El?" she turned from the fridge at the obvious sound of a creaking apartment floor.

"Elliot. If that's you please answer me." She pleaded "El…I..." she began reaching for her light switch; her breathing becoming deep. "Olivia." She calmed her self as she switched on the light. "You're fine." She slowed her breathing and looked around her apartment. "You're fine."

"Liv?" Elliot emerged from the bathroom "you okay?"

Olivia looked up slightly upset that he hadn't answered her. "Elliot, I was calling or you."

"Sorry." He smiled "Shower."

Olivia nodded "Yeah." She looked at his hair, taking note that it wasn't wet.

"I'm going to run out." He slipped on his shoes "Lock the door behind me; I'll let my self back in."

Olivia nodded again unable, for some reason to speak. She watched as Elliot disappeared into the hallway and she locked the door behind him. She then grabbed the bottle of water she had set out for and entered the bathroom.

"Shower." she whispered to herself as she looked over at the closed curtain. She wasn't sure why she would doubt Elliot, but she couldn't shake the feeling. She set down her bottle of water and reached for the shower curtain.

"We're way past apologies."

Olivia froze at those words, she knew that voice; her body began to shake as she stepped away from the shower. "No." she whispered and backed away.

"Going somewhere?" Lowell Harris stepped out of the shower

Olivia turned at the sight of him. "Elliot!" she yelled as she felt him grab her hair and pull her back. "Elliot!" she screamed as the bathroom door slammed shut.

6

6

Olivia sat up quickly and looked around her. She was still in her room. It was dark outside, but she instantly knew Harris wasn't there with her. She caught her breath and got out of bed, wrapping her blanket around her she slipped quietly out of her bedroom, the glow from her television verified for her that Elliot was still there.

"El?" she whispered as she walked into her living room. She opened her mouth to call him again when she noticed he had fallen asleep.

Olivia tightened the blanket around her trembling body as she sat in the chair across from him. She didn't want to wake him so she rested her head and turned toward the television.

Elliot turned over on the couch and was greeted by the bright screen; he slowly opened his eyes realizing he had fallen asleep with it on. As he reached for the remote he saw her. "Hey." He sat up "You okay?"

"I shouldn't have let him take me down there." She began ignoring his question "I'm a cop, I should have known better."

Elliot hit the mute button on the remote, but kept the television on to avoid being in the dark.

"I knew that one of the guards was assaulting the inmates and I let him separate me from the group. He said he was taking me to the hole, and when I realized we were going in the opposite direction, I just knew." She looked up at Elliot only making out half of him from the glow of the TV, "I got so scared and I told him I was sorry, I told him what I thought he wanted to hear, so I could get out of the mess I was in, but he didn't care, he didn't care because that's not when he wanted. When we got to where we were going, I saw a bed with a mattress, he made me look at him, he pulled me close to him and he kissed me then pushed me towards the bed."

"Liv." Elliot began "Did he…."

"No." she cut him off "He didn't rape me Elliot. But it wasn't for lack of trying; he had me convinced that I wasn't getting out of it. I got away from him when he undid my cuffs, I ran and hid but he found me, he hit me. I hit him back but it didn't help much, I was calling for help and no one was coming. When he reached me he was able to restrain me and he cuffed me to the door."

"Fin?" he said his name as a question

Olivia nodded "When Fin found us, he had his pants down; he told me that if I bit him I was dead." Her body shivered at the memory "If Fin wasn't there…"

"Let's not think about that." Elliot moved toward her and took her hand in his. "Because he was and he got you out of there."

"I never want to feel that way again El." She whispered

"You won't have to." Elliot pulled her down to the floor with him. "I promise."

"That's a hard promise to keep." She responded wiping away the few tears that had fallen.

"But I'll do what I can to keep it." He pulled her toward him "You're going to be okay. I will help you work through this."

"I didn't know how to tell you." She sighed "You're the only person I can confide in, the only person I have to confide in and I didn't know how to tell you."

"You can tell me anything, anytime, anywhere; No matter what." He reassured her "I want you to, that's what friends do."

Olivia nodded "I know." She replied "It's just that it's really hard when you've convinced yourself that you should be able to do it alone."

"You're not alone and you shouldn't have to do it alone if you don't want to or if you can't; you know that you have me." Elliot was gentle as he wrapped his arms around her and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I know that." She sighed as she relaxed feeling safe for the first time in weeks "But it feels weird looking for my partner to be there to comfort me when I fall apart."

"We all fall apart sometimes. It's all about what we do to put our pieces back together. "As for weird…..I don't think so." Elliot playfully squeezed. "It feels pretty good to me."

...


End file.
